The Garden of Delights

See this?

This is the garden that we were ushered to shortly after the wedding. To the right is where the bars are, in the middle where you see people standing around is a table loaded with every type of seafood known to mankind. I make more trips to this table then I make to the bar.

The Bar!!!

I settle down in an area below which is an ornate garden with benches and tables.

More pictures of the area with people blocking the view. They took this picture while a few feet away I was slamming a large piece of crab in my face. I was interrupted in the process of engorgement by Sarah, who is Kim's aunt.  "Mike, where did you get all that food?" I offered to show her if she promised not to dive onto the table.

"It really wouldn't look good", I said, pointing to the photographers. She did restrain herself but it was a near thing.

A brief note of impending doom

Today is 10/10/2011. The day they are going to show the wedding and reception of Kim Kardashian. It is also Monday; the day in which I gather with "friends?" and watch Monday Night Football at Stober's Bar in Lansing, Michigan.

This happens to be the first appearance of the Detroit Lions in a decade on MNF. They are planning a small banquet for the occasion, which will mostly be finger food. Why then are they planning to have knives and forks?

They have decided to have a main course. It's Uncle Mike. Two TV's will be on the Lions game and one is to be dedicated to the Kardashian wedding. I can see their grinning evil faces even now; not to mention the horrible sound of knives being sharpened.

The short of it is that on one of the best nights in Detroit in a decade with both the Tigers and the Lions performing on the national stage in the same day will be sadly marred by screams of torture.

Wedding day - The Wedding

Some rag reported that the Humphries family was appalled by the garishness of the setting. Crap!

We are from Detroit and we have seen all manner of nuptials that arose from some young girl’s fantasy. Most of us found the setup quite beautiful and showed a great deal of thought. There was even a little cone with flower petals hung on the chair in front of us.

My only complaint was that the wait seemed interminable. As I said, it was a beautiful day and the surroundings so invited investigation but once we were seated that was it. All you really could do was gab to relatives, doze or watch the camera boom dive at you every few minutes. I picked the later. I could see the headlines, “Kim’s Black and White Wedding Delayed by Red”. Crazed camera boom operator kills spectator. Grieving widow given a reality show. The wedding was delayed for an hour.

It did start eventually with a celebrity musician standing up and playing the music. Who the heck he was; once again, I haven’t the foggiest. Many people applauded and seemed pleased, good enough.

The aisle they walked up was set up so that when you looked back up it, it seemed to go on forever. Kris had that the sort of bewildered look that I’d often seen on his face as a kid. He seemed to relax as he scanned us all sitting there. The groomsmen and bridesmaids came up the aisle. Camera lenses glistened, the boom zoomed and on came the bride being escorted by Bruce Jenner. Accounts I’ve heard said that Bruce was choked up through out this walk. He went right passed me and he seemed to be doing fine.

See the bald-headed Black gentleman? Yeah, this is me doing one second of fame; which is just about how long I appear in the video. This was fine with me. I’m hoping to save the other fourteen seconds for something like igniting my explosive glasses on the plane back to Detroit. You get idea.

There isn’t much to say about this that you didn’t see. If you were interested you probably saw more than I did. I didn’t get a replay or see the highlighted video pointing out people who only use one name.

Commenters talked of the diamonds she wore and the dress but from where I stood it didn’t appear particularly ostentatious. There was jewelry and a nice dress. Vera Wang did the dress but it didn’t say “Wang” or “Wang dang doodle” anywhere on it. The diamonds had no tag saying, “Really expensive diamonds not the cheap stuff you’re use to seeing”. She was the same Kim I met on the beach. The best representation of a bride at her wedding I’ve ever seen. Once again, very real but staged down to the shine on the rhinestone cross.

Wedding day Part 1

Sitting downstairs as everybody puts their clothes on upstairs for the wedding.

Yesterday was the family get together. I drank the most expensive whiskey I could and did my Uncle Mike thing. Kris did his part and was as goofy as ever. He even put on the intelligent human being thing for awhile.

I've checked and rechecked all the things that I need to have to get into event. Now all I can do is sit in my suit and wait and wait and wait.

We're only a few miles from the Monteceido Country Club and I've worked out the route so the caravan arrives intact and in good order. We are once again asked to sign forms and the wands are passed over us to assure that we aren't terrorists. This, we find out isn't where the wedding is to occur. There are a group of buses nearby and we are loaded into them where we then wait until all the buses are full. Once this occurs we are driven off with a police escort through a twisting winding terrain. All along the way people line the road with placards and cameras waving and smiling. I want desperately to wave back but the windows are smoked and I can't get them open. I wave weakly anyway. 

Kris' other relatives had another experience because they were on buses with clear glass. They were able to smile and wave like they were on a float in the Macy parade.

We arrive at another large mansion, the buses park and we are directed up a long drive. After a bit, arrive at the entrance and exchange our invitations for a paper which tells where we will be seated. Much to my surprise, I'm not way in back, next to a dumpster, but sitting four rows from the front. This, of course, means that I've been forgiven for my "Uncle Mike" performance which means I totally mean to give it another go at the reception.

There are helicopters circling overhead and large balloons floating above. Some one says this is to keep the paparazzi with helicopters from crashing the party. Okay, now I have to admit it. This is starting to seem like it's worth the price of admission.

People line the walk back to where the wedding is to be held with trays offering us refreshments. I am disappointed that it's only lemonade and sparkling water but take the water and stroll on. The sound of violins is in the air and up ahead there is a grandstand with people already seated who I vaguely recognize. This means, for me, they are some sort of celebrities that I've seen in my rovings across the internet. We are directed passed them and down the aisle towards the front then seated. 

I spot five cameras. There are two in the front.  There's one on either side of the pavilion and one on a boom that continually swoops and dives over our heads. I can see the musicians in a beautiful garden like space filled with plants and water flowing through it. Everything is done up in black and white. Directly in front, above the stage, is a huge rhinestone cross. The weather is beautiful. The music flows and I close my eyes for I need to rest for the reception and the second coming of "Uncle Mike".

Reality?

Come on people!! Really?

You’ve got three sisters who seem to be in each others houses everyday and their mother is there most of the time as well. You’ve got a brother who lives with his sister and her husband.

How real is this? There are rumors that Kim’s butt is a plastic job. This effects how the perfect beauty is viewed. It needs to be answered. The easiest thing in the world would be for Kim to simply go and have a couple of docs certify that her butt is real and put that information out. Would the perfect beauty do anything like that? I doubt it. Part of the whole illusion is that she is unfazed by the public and is largely as she appears on camera. So how do you get rid of this problem?

You have the sisters, who apparently have nothing better to do, badger the other sister relentlessly until she proves that her butt is real because, after all, she constantly talks with her sisters and she cares about what they say.

People, these folks just made thirty six million dollars last year.

Robb don’t need to live with his sister. He’s a millionaire. Even if he was broke, Khloe could pay for his apartment out of chump change.

They all come to their mother’s house; argue and talk over food at a big table while a two camera set up with camera, lighting and sound people gets it all down. Ever seen something like that? It takes at least five people. Seven millionaires sit down for dinner while five people flutter about thrusting electronic instruments at them. Is this normal? Is this real? If it is for you then maybe you need to get a few things checked out.

Confidentiality

This is real stupid. I know information that could change the world but I am under more strict confidentiality to Kim and Kris's wedding. The world is just goofy.

I wrote this a few weeks before I went to the wedding. Now I get it. I don't mean the money part. I've always got that. The less that's out, the more they can control flow and the more money they can charge. Kris and Kim got married in August but the big wedding is happening in October, at least for the rest of the world. Remember the British royal wedding? It’s over; one and done. It has also largely vanished from the public’s awareness. Kris Jenner managed to keep selling ads two months after the event. I get this. This is about money.

What I didn’t get was that this is a real marriage. This woman has planned this marriage since she was a girl. You might have heard this on the TV, as well, and took it with a grain of salt but I have it on good authority that this is true.

What does this tell you about a woman who in her consummate moment recreates the dreams of a little girl. Like I said, I don’t watch the shows so I can’t really say how she appears on TV. What I did see was a woman who uses her fame as a shield for her inner self.  Her makeup is perfect. It is so perfect that it’s imperfect. There is someone there but what you see just seems other. You get this when you get a glimpse passed this beauty when she’s with Kris and you see a tantalizing peak of who she actually is.

This was the Kim behind “Kim Kardashian” wedding. She wanted nothing to screw with it and kept everything close to the vest. We were inspected, bundled on a bus, driven around to an imposing mansion then put in assigned seating. Nothing was left to chance and no word was leaked. I was talking to one of her aunts out in the garden after the wedding. She told me that she knew what was going to happen next. I asked, “Had her sister told her or Kim. “Better”, she said, “I know the caterer.”

Is it love? On the beach with Kris and Kim

This thing seemed to come out of nowhere and it does involve the publicity hungry Kardashians so the first thing in my head was whether this was some concocted setup that would churn out magazine fodder for a year or so.

Of course, the speed at which this happened in some ways mitigates against this. I am now aware of the awesome machine that Kris Jenner wields and it doesn't seem to have her finger prints on it. Everything they do tends to be long and drawn out, milking the possibilities as long as possible. There would have been "Kris and Kim break up", "Kris and Kim get back together", "Is Kris having an affair?", "Is Kim having an affair?". The possibilities are endless and you can be sure that these will be coming to your supermarket magazine rack in the very near future. This was quick and certainly had to cut into the gate they could bring in on the whole wedding business.

Well, is this real? Yep, I’m afraid so. They are not only in love but they even probably like each other. What makes me say this; the incident at the beach.

When we arrived at the family party neither Kim or Kris were there. We contented ourselves with talking to the other Kardashians and wandering around looking at the grounds of the mansion we were at. I got a drink, talked to a photographer and then I noticed a long winding path that I assumed went to the ocean. I went down the path and found my wife sitting looking at the ocean and Kim Kardashian down at the beach with Mason and a whole television crew.


Kris suddenly shows up, hugs us and flops down on a hammock with Kaela soon following. My wife looks out at Kim on the beach and tells Kris to go get his fiancee and introduce us. This is where the magic occurs.


Kris stands up and in typical Kris style bellows, "Hey Kim. Hey Kim come here." She looks up, gets a big grin and waves back then starts towards us and for a moment they both have the same goofy grin. I'm kind of appalled but there is no longer any doubt in my mind that this isn't "reality" but real.