This was the first time the families got together. Initially it was a BBQ that was supposed to be at 9. This got changed to 6 but we all managed to get off except my son and daughter who never found out about the change and were with another cousin who had no intention of going to the get together anyway.
The Humphries got up a caravan at where I was staying in Santa Barbara and off we went to some very hard to find mansion. We got turned around a bunch of times but I finally got my GPS going and we did arrive. Our cars were driven off and as we were led into the premises where had to sign permission forms even while we were being filmed.
I am "Uncle Mike", you know, the relative you keep chained in the closet and only let out for "special" events. My job is to be as strange as possible, consume as much liquor as I can get away with and all the while make wry comments. Which is what I did. To make matters worse, I used this as my tagline for the entire night.
My first problem is that I don't have a television and so I didn't know who anybody was. Chris Jenner introduced herself to me as soon as I walked through the door. I mumbled something stupid but was saved from any more conversation when I saw my first destination, the liquor bar.
My progress was slowed by this woman:
Actually, if you note the grin and the drink, this was not on the way to the bar. This was after a few trips. I found her both attractive and very down to earth. The kid she's holding is Mason. This is the calmest 20 month old I've ever met.
The Humphries got up a caravan at where I was staying in Santa Barbara and off we went to some very hard to find mansion. We got turned around a bunch of times but I finally got my GPS going and we did arrive. Our cars were driven off and as we were led into the premises where had to sign permission forms even while we were being filmed.
I am "Uncle Mike", you know, the relative you keep chained in the closet and only let out for "special" events. My job is to be as strange as possible, consume as much liquor as I can get away with and all the while make wry comments. Which is what I did. To make matters worse, I used this as my tagline for the entire night.
My first problem is that I don't have a television and so I didn't know who anybody was. Chris Jenner introduced herself to me as soon as I walked through the door. I mumbled something stupid but was saved from any more conversation when I saw my first destination, the liquor bar.
My progress was slowed by this woman:
She is, to my mind, the best looking of the sisters. But I didn't spend all my time talking to her. I spent most of it talking to her grandmother and two aunts, Mary Jane, Sarah and Karen. I met them after coming back from the beach. Where it was getting cool. They would become my crew since they had the intelligence to be sitting near the fireplace that you can barely see behind us.
They also had an incredible tolerance for bullshit and, of course, I had a lot of that to give.
I didn't start out that way. When I came into the house, the music playing happened to be the song that was played at my mother's funeral. I stood near where they were sitting and stopped, as I always do, to listen to it. After the song finished, I noticed them looking at me and explained what was going on. I, of course, then asked who they were.
After introductions we immediately began kicking it around. I wanted to know were they as confused about what was going on as Kris's family. They hadn't a clue either but you just had the sense that they were use to playing it by ear and didn't really care. This was even with the blond woman you see in the picture sitting there as well. This is Karen who is both a good friend and assistant to Kris Jenner. I liked her a hell of a lot. She had lost her husband of 23 years a few years back and had only just remarried a few months earlier. She talked of her despair when her husband passed but she beamed as she talked about moving through it and finding the guy she's pictured with, Brad.
Here's the skinny on some of that which I later found out. Kris Jenner is an ordained minister. How she found the time, I have no idea. What church it is, no idea either. She can, however, perform weddings and, I guess if the spirit moves, funerals. I would think that the presence of camera crews and sound men might make that a tad unseemly.
She performed Karen and Brad's wedding. Kris Jenner - Pastor? He, by the way, is called Pastor Brad and performed Khloe and Odom's wedding. Nobody told me the pastor part so the look on his face may be the effect of my brief conversation with him.
It seems that Kris Jenner was going for two because we heard that she planned to perform her daughter's wedding. Why in God's name do they call this stuff reality TV? Who the heck officiates their daughters wedding?
Now, as you know, the wedding was performed by Deb's minister from Minnesota. I didn't get a chance to sit down and talk to Deb about it but judging from the look on her face, you can bet there was a serious dust up about that. Deb is a sweet Minnesotan but she has a backbone mostly composed of iron and I would not bet against her in a bare knuckle brawl.
I stayed with them because they were nice but also there seemed to be a demarcation zone where they were. Maybe they weren't important enough but the cameras never came over there no matter what Kardashian popped over and these cameras seemed to be every where.
A case in point. Right after me and Kourtney took this picture, we were chatting as we walked toward the front of the house. We passed through a door and suddenly flashbulbs, bright lights and cameras were everywhere. I was stunned and backed up.
I didn't start out that way. When I came into the house, the music playing happened to be the song that was played at my mother's funeral. I stood near where they were sitting and stopped, as I always do, to listen to it. After the song finished, I noticed them looking at me and explained what was going on. I, of course, then asked who they were.
After introductions we immediately began kicking it around. I wanted to know were they as confused about what was going on as Kris's family. They hadn't a clue either but you just had the sense that they were use to playing it by ear and didn't really care. This was even with the blond woman you see in the picture sitting there as well. This is Karen who is both a good friend and assistant to Kris Jenner. I liked her a hell of a lot. She had lost her husband of 23 years a few years back and had only just remarried a few months earlier. She talked of her despair when her husband passed but she beamed as she talked about moving through it and finding the guy she's pictured with, Brad.
Here's the skinny on some of that which I later found out. Kris Jenner is an ordained minister. How she found the time, I have no idea. What church it is, no idea either. She can, however, perform weddings and, I guess if the spirit moves, funerals. I would think that the presence of camera crews and sound men might make that a tad unseemly.
She performed Karen and Brad's wedding. Kris Jenner - Pastor? He, by the way, is called Pastor Brad and performed Khloe and Odom's wedding. Nobody told me the pastor part so the look on his face may be the effect of my brief conversation with him.
It seems that Kris Jenner was going for two because we heard that she planned to perform her daughter's wedding. Why in God's name do they call this stuff reality TV? Who the heck officiates their daughters wedding?
Now, as you know, the wedding was performed by Deb's minister from Minnesota. I didn't get a chance to sit down and talk to Deb about it but judging from the look on her face, you can bet there was a serious dust up about that. Deb is a sweet Minnesotan but she has a backbone mostly composed of iron and I would not bet against her in a bare knuckle brawl.
I stayed with them because they were nice but also there seemed to be a demarcation zone where they were. Maybe they weren't important enough but the cameras never came over there no matter what Kardashian popped over and these cameras seemed to be every where.
A case in point. Right after me and Kourtney took this picture, we were chatting as we walked toward the front of the house. We passed through a door and suddenly flashbulbs, bright lights and cameras were everywhere. I was stunned and backed up.
